Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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