can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
