Your tits are I can't wait for
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
