i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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