My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
