I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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