I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize