Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
