I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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