I think I won the penis lottery.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
