You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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