The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
