the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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