Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
