but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
