You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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