walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bring me that man meat
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
