not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize