omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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