I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
