Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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