Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
