I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
