Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize