she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
