im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
