I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
