The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
