All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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