yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
