my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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