I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
