I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
