I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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