You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
