I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
