I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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