I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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