dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
