It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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