My first STD was from a foam party
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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