Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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