Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
