I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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