i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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