why im i the only drunk person in the library?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
