God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
