how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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