Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
