Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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