if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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