She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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