I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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