she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize