My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
