Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
