it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
