All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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