I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
