You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
