I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
