I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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