Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what day is it and did you see me today?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
