Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
