Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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