Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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