What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
