I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
