Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
