we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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