Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize