No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
