so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
