I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
