i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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