i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we made out on top of his cat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
