ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
