final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How external is "for external use only"?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
