Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
