Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
