woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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