butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am one with the molecules
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
