Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
