Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
