I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
