a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
