Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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