I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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