By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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