I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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